


Can I Find Jester?

by floss



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Bad Plans, Episode Related, F/M, Post episode 61
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 06:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18733144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floss/pseuds/floss
Summary: Jester steps back to let him pass. Fjord casts around for something to focus on, but the room is sparsely furnished. A window that shows only eternal night. A rug. A bed. Jester's haversack hangs off the end of it by a strap, her cloak draped next to it. Her sketchbook lies closed by the pillow, ink pen hastily shoved between the pages to keep her place. He's interrupted her.They've been standing in silence in the middle of her room for a while, he realises suddenly. Jester is looking at him. She's waiting. He has to do this. Now, he tells himself. Now.





	Can I Find Jester?

Fjord takes a deep breath. Lets it out, takes another one. Stares for a long moment at the door in front of him, wooden and newly-claimed, steeling himself. Then he knocks, and immediately wishes he hadn't.

It takes just long enough for Jester to open her door that Fjord starts to wonder if he could back out down the hallway. 

"Oh," she says. "Hi, Fjord." He can't decipher her expression. She isn't unhappy to see him, at least.

"Hey, Jester." Another breath. "Can I come in?"

"Of course." 

Jester steps back to let him pass. Fjord casts around for something to focus on, but the room is sparsely furnished. A window that shows only eternal night. A rug. A bed. Jester's haversack hangs off the end of it by a strap, her cloak draped next to it. Her sketchbook lies closed by the pillow, ink pen hastily shoved between the pages to keep her place. He's interrupted her. 

They've been standing in silence in the middle of her room for a while, he realises suddenly. Jester is looking at him. She's waiting. He has to do this. Now, he tells himself. Now. 

"Nice room," he says instead.

"Just me again," Jester sing-songs, arms swinging. "Got a room all to myself." Her follow-up laugh sounds oddly small in the room, so vast compared to their usual inns.

"You don't like it?" Fjord asks.

"No," Jester shrugs. "It's just, you know." 

He tilts his head, questioning.

"I shared with Beau for a long time, so."

Fjord nods slowly. "Right. Well... I mean, she's not far. And I'm not far," he offers. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind if - hm. Nope. Okay." He pauses. "How about: you knock on my door, and then we'll both knock on her door, and that way, between the two of us, we've got a better chance at a grapple when she comes out swinging."

Jester's laugh sounds far more sincere this time. "That's a good plan, Fjord."

"Yeah. Thanks, Jester."

They fall into silence again. She's watching him. He takes another breath. Okay, he thinks. Now, but for real. Come on. Now.

"Listen, I wanted - I actually wanted to talk to you yesterday, but... yesterday just wasn't my fuckin' day, I guess," he laughs weakly.

"That shopkeeper lady flirted with you," Jester teases.

"Yep. She sure did, yeah." He ducks his head, awkward. 

"That was pretty funny."

"You think so, huh." It comes out softer than he'd intended. She's smiling.

"Oh, but -- Oh! While we were in there Caduceus did a detect magic, and he said there was something in the back room of her store."

"Really? Could he tell what it was?"

She shakes her head. "No, just that it was there." Her expression turns mischievous. "Maybe you could seduce her --"

"Okay," Fjord shakes his head, equal parts amused and resigned.

"-- and while you're keeping her busy," Jester's eyebrows waggle pointedly, "we could sneak in and see what it is. Maybe it's another one of those things! Those Abyssal rift things!"

"Do you think so?"

"I don't know. That's why you should seduce her," Jester says. "So we can find out."

"Okay, well, solid plan, but let's - let's table that for now," Fjord manages.

"If you're sure," Jester grins.

"Pretty sure."

"Keep it in mind, though, okay?"

"Yep." Fjord taps his temple. "It's up here. Right at the forefront."

"That's a good place to keep it." Jester's mirth fades almost as quickly as it had appeared, expression softening. "But yesterday wasn't your day?" she asks, suddenly gentle.

Fjord's lungs feel too small. Now, he thinks. He clears his throat.

"Yeah. Uh. Last night -- or the night before, I guess -- I had another dream."

Jester's shoulders tense as she sucks in a breath. "A bad one?"

He forces himself to nod. "Uk'otoa is _not_ happy. Uh, with me." 

"Because you don't want to help him anymore?"

"Yeah. I - I think so. He talked about... punishment. About punishing me." How to tell her everything without making her look so worried? he wonders. Is that possible? He pushes on. "In the dream, I..." he sighs. "Drowned. I spat up water again when I woke up. And the falchion was out; I couldn't bring it back. And - I didn't have any powers at all. I tried, you know, an eldritch blast, I tried to disguise myself - nothing."

"Do you still not have anything?" Real distress now. Maybe panic. She takes a step towards him, hands out like she's going to try to greater restoration his magic back.

"I do now," he says quickly. He holds his own hands out, mirroring her. Two crackling swirls of eldritch energy gather in his palms for a few seconds before he lets the spell drop. "But that was... something I do not care to repeat."

He watches Jester carefully. Her eyes are fixed on his hands. 

"He was threatening you," she says.

"I think so, yeah."

"He's locked away," she says thoughtfully. She meets his eyes again. "Can we get to him even though he's locked away? Can we kill him?"

"I... don't know," Fjord says. He lets his hands drop back to his sides. "I doubt it. I mean, even if we could, my powers are gone that way, too. They're from him."

"Right. That's true." Jester bites her lip. "But then... what do you want to do? Should we free him?"

"I don't want to free him," Fjord says, firm. "But he kind of has me stuck both ways. I don't want to go back to being... what I was before. Just a person. I like what I have here. I like who I am. But Uk'otoa is bad news, and he has immense power."

"The power to give you wet dreams."

"Well. Yeah. And he can take it all away from me in a second," Fjord says. "Everything. I wouldn't be able to... I'd be a liability. Even worse than that giant fucking demon mosquito sapping me dry."

"Do you think he can kill you for real, Fjord?" Jester asks, eyes suddenly wide.

"That... had not occurred to me. I don't know."

"He can put water in your lungs," Jester points out.

"Yes. Uh, yes." Fjord rubs his face. "Shit. Yes, he can."

"So we make him wait," Jester says, counting off on her fingers. "And maybe you lose your powers again, maybe at a time when we really need them --" 

_We_. Fjord can't help but picture it. Not being able to defend himself, that was one thing; that's what he'd had in mind. But now he imagines himself in battle, in melee, trying to thunderstep away from danger with an unconscious Nott, or Caleb, being relied on, being the only thing between one of his friends and death, and failing.

Jester holds up a second finger. "-- or you free him and he controls the oceans or whatever --"

"Wet dreams all around," Fjord belatedly interjects. He gets a brief smile out of her.

"-- or we find some way to get to him and kill him, but then you lose your powers anyway."

Fjord nods. "I mean... those are my only options, yeah. I guess that about sums it up. I've kind of been thinking about - well, hell if I know. But maybe finding someone else, you know? Another god."

"To give you powers?"

"Maybe, yeah."

Jester nods. "Maybe. What if... we... what if we -- could we ask -- the Traveler would help you for sure. What if maybe Yasha and Caduceus asked their gods to help you, too? To fight Uk'otoa?"

"Do you think they would want to get involved in a - a god fight?" he asks, doubtful.

Jester shrugs. "They're kind of already involved, I think. I mean, they are with us."

"I... guess so. I don't know how it works."

"We would have to tell the others, though." It sounds almost like an apology.

Fjord pauses, hesitant. "Do you think I should?"

"I think we should," she says, gentle. "You might be in real danger, Fjord. They would want to help you, too."

"Everyone's already done so much for me." He breathes out a laugh, more disbelief than true mirth. "And I almost got everyone killed last time. Multiple times."

"We do that to each other a lot." Jester's voice is warm with amusement. "That's how you know it's true friendship."

Fjord laughs again. "I guess I wouldn't know."

"Neither would I," she shrugs, light-hearted. "I think we do have to tell them, though," she continues. "Before it happens again."

"Yeah," he sighs. "You're right."

She looks so sorry. Fjord hates it.

He clears his throat. "I guess I should - now?"

Please say no, he thinks. Please say not yet. But Jester nods.

"Yeah. Okay." He rubs his face, tries to shake the tension out of his body. "Yeah. Fuck it, let's do it."

"Everything will be A-okay." She holds a hand up, forefinger and thumb together, the rest extended. "We'll figure it out."

Fjord nods. He isn't sure he believes her. He isn't sure if she even believes herself.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also [on tumblr](https://flossingh.tumblr.com)!


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